Q & A with Jacelize Du Preez

10th March 2016 | By More

Jacelize du Preez 4Q & A

with Jacelize Du Preez
(author of “Salf vir jou seerkry”)

 

 

How does it feel to write a book about such a deeply personal experience and then share it with the public? To what extent was the labour of writing this book, therapeutical for you?

The book was the end-result of many months of journaling and praying through my divorce and all the pain and issues surrounding this.  The idea was never to “write a book about my divorce” …this happened organically.  I am quite an analytical person – I want to understand things – and suddenly I was confronted with a situation that made zero sense and I had no answers.  God was patiently waiting for me to run to Him for all my answers and to also heal my hurt.   During the time of writing the book, I was praying and searching the Word, reading books on divorce and speaking to many Christian mentors about all aspects of going through a divorce.  This brought a lot of insight and was also very therapeutic to me.

Unbeknownst to me, God was teaching me certain key principles on how to work through a divorce which I understood later was not only meant for me but for anyone that has gone through a similar experience.

Yes, I battled with the fact of “putting myself out there”– I also mention this in the foreword of my book.  If however the book meant something for only one person, it was a worthwhile experience.

In your experience, what is the difference between the state of mind of the person who announces the wish to divorce, compared to the person who receives the bad news for the first time?

I think the person that makes the decision to exit any marriage usually made this choice a long time before informing the other party.  I experienced that for myself.  At the time, I was completely unaware about the decisions that my ex was busy contemplating and weighing up within himself.  This in itself , I realise now, is not a good reflection on my marriage as communication in any marriage is key – despite any circumstance!

My advice would be that couples should BOTH choose to keep on communicating…in between work pressures, babies and travelling!  You may just save your marriage in the process!

salf-vir-jou-seerkry-copyTo what extent do you believe, children should be informed of the details / reasons for their parents’ divorce?

I think it depends on the age of the child.  In my case, my children were just too small to explain to them what the actual reasons were.  It was too complicated for their little minds to understand fully.   I was also still struggling through the impact of the divorce and was very mindful of what I was communicating to our children.  I decided early in the whole process that I do not want to end up as a bitter and “scorned” woman.

I constantly had to remind myself during this time that my ex will remain their father and that he still loves them – irrespective of the circumstances….and yes, it is a dying to yourself exercise!

About eight years have passed since the divorce. Now they understand the circumstances better.  Their father is still playing a huge role in their lives and they have a good relationship which I’m grateful for.

Your book explains how strongly you depended on your faith during your divorce. What would you say to someone who questions their beliefs as a result of their marriage falling apart?

I would say that I understand this because I was there as well.  Your entire belief structure gets shaken…mine was as well!

It is however still a decision that you need to make to CHOOSE to believe what God says about you and your situation and not what the circumstances are spelling out for you.

God told me to focus on His Truth…and not to get fixated on the negative facts.

Is there anything else you would like to add?

To go through a divorce can be a very negative and traumatic experience.  There are so many emotions at play…my advice would be to try to quit talking to too many people (and rehashing all the negative details) but to rather spend time with God and to be in His presence.  He can handle your negativity…and He will help you…just as He helped me.

I strongly believe that in His presence, is really the only place that complete and full healing and restoration can take place!

 .

Posted by Sinta Ebersohn (Creator of fairdivorce.co.za – Stellenbosch RSA)


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Category: Spiritual, Spiritual Q & A

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