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The dreaded day is around the corner and you are wondering how horrible you are going to feel again this year…
Chances are, if you are considering divorce, going through it right now or recently divorced, the last Valentine’s Day probably left you disillusioned, disappointed and terribly hurt. Vow to make that your last sad Valentine’s Day ever! This year and every year hereafter, you are going to have lots of reasons to celebrate:
1. Ditch the bad memories. Make an effort to remember the romantic Valentine celebrations of the past. Use this special occasion to cherish the opportunities life has offered you to love and be loved.
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2. Look beyond the fact that your relationship did not last and appreciate the years that you did have. Valentine’s day is about love and there must have been a lot of love going around at some stage, for you to get married.
3. Accept the cycles of your love-life. There once was a time when you were madly in love and now is a time for reflection and growth before the next cycle of love sweeps you up again. You might have repeated this cycle a few times already. It does not make you unworthy of love, it might simply just be how it works.
4. Reconsider your expectations of an ever-lasting, love-of-your-life scenario. Who knows what’s in the cards for you? Until you discover the next best thing that is going to happen to you, live your life abundantly.
5. The poet Rumi said: “Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Be bold and explore your walls. Dedicate Valentine’s day to actively breaking them down and opening yourself up to love’s embrace. Let it be a day on which we reinforce our human capacity and appetite for love.
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6. More importantly, we ought to spend our energy on offering love instead of waiting or hoping to receive it. Cultivate your creative spirit and reach out to someone you love, without fear of it not being reciprocated. It is after all a privilege to love someone without condition or reserve.
7. It’s perfectly all right if you are not in love with someone at this stage. It is important to spend time alone after breaking up, before engaging in another relationship. Treasure the extra time you have for yourself and indulge in a little self-absorption.
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8. Don’t accept a consolation date just for the sake of not being alone or being able to declare to friends and family that you are fine and will in fact be celebrating. Embrace your single status and wear it with pride. It’s up to you to flaunt it … or not.
9. Wallowing in singleton self-pity is out. Celebrating the value of your heart and manifesting your ideal love, is the new power.
10. Create a brand new Valentine’s Day ritual. Light some candles, play romantic music, prepare a feast, wear sexy clothes, drink exquisite champagne and celebrate the love god or love goddess in you!
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Plan a Civilised and Fair Divorce from your Ex-Valentine
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Written by Sinta Ebersohn (Creator of www.fairdivorce.co.za – Johannesburg RSA)