‘Healing requires taking action – it is not a passive event.’ ~ Caroline Myss
A divorce can be traumatic for a family; and it can impact on the greater community. It seems to be a very real part of our modern society and no matter how often divorce happens, it is a death of sorts and will always be mourned.
It takes courage to traverse the uncharted terrain of a marital break-up. However, not all choose love-based courage as an emotion to lead them through the pain, but rather the fear-based emotions such as judgement, guilt and blame are far more of a common response to this life-trauma that is knocking on so many doors. Courage is an emotion deeply connected to the heart of love.
Once you have dealt with accepting what is, you can rely on your loving heart to give you courage to deal with the technicalities of your new situation. And healing is required in order to feel whole again. The healing that I refer to here is the invitation to bring Divinity back into the gap left by the event. Any shock is damaging to some degree or another and requires YOUR FREE WILL to make a choice and invite that which is lost, ‘to return home’. Leaving an energetic wound unattended, drains your spirit of energy, which you WILL at some point feel in your body as a physical pain/malady. What fuels your spirit, fuels your body.
The healing practise to harness your inner courage
Your courage comes when you are honest with your fears. Keep a pocket journal with you for a month and observe your fears. Notice your insecurities, uncertainties, your unwillingness to accept certain inevitabilities; and when you hit a brick wall, don’t try to break it down. Stop, allow yourself to consciously observe whatever stands before you. Being truthful with yourself and making raw inquiries into your emotional reality is COURAGE.
So this exercise is not to do something or change something or make any effort at all. The invitation is simply to observe, get to know your everyday reactions and responses. Do nothing but observe the ‘what is’! A part of this observation is also to get to know your body and your breath.
Here follows a daily practice
Set an alarm to give you 15 to 20 minutes and lay yourself in a quiet space with all phones off the hook and make arrangements for no disturbance. Read through the instructions below and then lie on a firm surface and place a light cloth or blanket over your body dependant on the temperature. Place your spine straight, your legs parted slightly wider than your hips and your arms at 40 degrees from the body with your palms facing upwards. If your back is painful then bend your knees placing your feet on the floor near your hips.
Close your eyes. Allow a part of yourself (we will call this your Witness) to gently pull away from your body to keenly observe it, as though you were studying a sculpture. Start by studying your skin and slowly drift your awareness over it’s surface from head to toes. Notice the differing textures where skin meets fabric or surface or air. Notice the border between what lies inside and the world outside. Allow the witness to be aware of differing temperatures, scanning your whole surface including the back.
Then direct your witness inwards through the surface layers of tissue and muscle, drift through organs and bone from the top of your head right down to the soles of your feet. Just being aware and not getting involved in any consideration regarding the body, but just witnessing it. Notice waves of breath and the various pulsations within. Witness, do not adjust or alter anything until your alarm calls on you to return very gently back to the activities of the day.
How does this practice help with courage?
By developing the observations of the ‘witness’, you will introduce a deeper awareness of yourself which is non-threatening. In this way you will find it easier to be honest with feelings and expressions. You can then bravely explore your true needs and respond to your situation with more wisdom. The healing will happen in its Divine Order with your awareness guiding your way.
Ginger as an essential oil: Ginger is a fragrance of courage and valour. It provides one with courage to break out of apprehension and allows spirituality to soar free and high. This oil is comforting and grounding at the same time. Caution: May be slightly photo-toxic. Use it in very small quantities, as it may cause skin irritation.
‘Knock on yourself as upon a door and walk upon yourself as on a straight road. For if you walk on the road, it is impossible for you to go astray. Open the door for yourself so that you may know what is.’ ~ The gnostic sage, Silvanus
Written for fairdivorce.co.za, by Candice Jones (Spiritual Mentor – Stellenbosch)