Divorce can either be a smooth and amicable experience, or it can be a dramatic and emotionally distressing one. Ultimately, you are in control of whether or not the process of your divorce is bearable or not. You need a plan to get a grip on the situation and handle it with ease and grace. These are great ways to handle yourself throughout a divorce and, how to handle yourself in the best way possible, no matter what the surrounding circumstances.
Announce the news in person
Once you’ve initially committed to the divorce, one of your first impulses might be to text your friends and family about the decision. This is highly inappropriate and, can easily cause the situation to seem less serious than it really is. Furthermore, this makes it extremely easy for the recipients of the message to repeat the news to others within seconds. Only speak about the divorce in person so you can convey the gravity and confidentiality of the situation. Gather all your loved ones and break the news gently. If you can, use your closest friends for advice and to bounce ideas off of. Often they will have some help for you and know how to guide you if you need it.
Use time with your lawyer wisely
Once you hire a lawyer, the majority of your time with them shouldn’t be spent arguing over who will keep the patio furniture or dinnerware. These are petty matters that can cause mediation fees to skyrocket. You should opt to resolve them in entirety with your ex-spouse. If you must use mediation, try to keep the time spent on it as minimal as possible. If you and your spouse get along, it can make the process easier, but make sure you don’t sell yourself short. Fight for what you want and need. You can’t let a good relationship stand in the way of your current needs.
Leave vengeance by the wayside
When divorce is fresh on your mind and the worst memories are at the forefront, it might seem reasonable to pile all of your ex-spouse’s belongings in the backyard and set fire to them. However, these types of vindictive acts never look good for your case in court. Even though divorce is a tough process, it’s highly imperative that you maintain your composure throughout it. Try different meditation and exercise techniques to let go of your anger. The best way to get relief is to remove yourself from the situation and get a little more perspective.
Let your children process the divorce
If your divorce hasn’t finalized, you might feel tempted to cross-examine your children for bits of information you can use against your ex-spouse. However, you must remember that divorce takes a toll on any children involved as well. They are in the first steps of learning how to redefine their bonds with their parents and they don’t need an invasion of territory during this time.
Don’t use your divorce as a conversation topic
It’s okay to reach out to your loved ones about this complex and emotionally distressing process, but using any opportunity available to bring it up, will ultimately repel others away from you. Your loved ones don’t want to see you wallow in self-pity about legal troubles and financial distress; they want to see you move positively past your divorce.
Divorce is often a messy and grating experience. Most of us try to avoid it and work out our problems, but if you are at your last straw, it’s important to remember these tips for keeping your composure.
This article, written by Brooke, originally appeared on DivorcedMoms.com