I love my husband dearly and I am trying my best to understand your situation. Yes, I know you have a history and precious children. I have no desire to erase you or take your place as their mother. Be assured that I realise I’ve only heard one side of the story, therefore, I do not hate or judge you.
In fact, it would be great if we could respect each other and develop a healthy relationship, for the sake of our children. When I married your ex-husband, I committed myself to regarding all our children as equally important and will endeavour to treat them fairly to the best of my ability.
No, I shall neither make parenting decisions for your children nor undermine your authority. I’ll respect your privacy and intimate relationship with them. My role will be as their friend because I do not want to be a step-mother. They may call me by my name or whatever they feel comfortable with, for they have only one mother – You. Kindly extend the same courtesy to their one and only father, with regard to your New Husband.
The father of our children can count on my support and encouragement, to be as involved in all of their lives as possible and also to be there for all of them when needed. In time, I would love to do the same for this extended family.
One thing I shall always expect of you, is to nurture a strong bond between our children and their father, no matter what your differences may be. Your responsibility to enable healthy relationships between them, regardless of any insecurities you might harbour, is not negotiable.
Rest assured that I’ll do everything within my power to ensure your kids are safe and happy when in my care. Being a mother myself, I think I might understand your fears and hopes and invite you to communicate with me openly about your expectations.
Let us collaborate in building a healthy environment, allowing everyone in this family to flourish.
Consider the Heritage of Divorce that you are leaving your children.
Written by Sinta Ebersohn (creator of fairdivorce.co.za – Stellenbosch RSA)